Marlin's Note
by Mave Marie
Summary: Just one last attempt to tell the woman he loves, that he loves her. Even though years have passed, and everything has changed, nothing has changed. l3


_**This is one of many first's for me, but I hope you like it. As a little note, the spelling, run on sentences and grammatical errors were intentional (at least most of them) and I tried to keep this letter as true to Marlin and his predicament as I could. Now I hope I haven't taken away anything from the note by putting a long bolded header on top. Sorry you guys, and I love you for reading. Thank You.**_

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I've debated the writing of this message for quite some time now. Many seasons have dulled my memory since the last time we spoke, though I remember it well. You were sitting on a bar stool with your head resting on the counter. You were on the one at the far left of the Blue Bar, far out of everyone's way. That was real unlike you, I guess that's why I noticed more. See, Celia had just given me a hard time about working in the rain again, she does that even more, now that she doesn't get to see you as much. It's really a shame you don't come to visit more, we all miss you. But I guess it's for the best, except I don't think so. I guess that's the reason you're reading this, oh I hope you get to read this one.

Vesta took her side, again that night. It was Tuesday, it must have been. Yes, because Jeff was born that night, do you remember? I guess now that I think back, that might have been why Celia was so concerned about me back then. But you know me probably better than she does, you know how agrivated I was that night. I think I might have scared you when I slammed open the door, well along with half the other people in there. Muffy wasn't there, I don't think. Otherwise she would have caused an huge commotion. Griffin offered me a glass right away, I sat down a few stools down from you. I know I was on at least my third drink before I decided to talk to you.

I needed to work up the courage I guess, I had to watch my mouth more now. You see, ever since you sold me that feather I knew you didn't care. Since you even brought it up I felt like you were trying to get red of me. After it was in my possession, it felt like you were waiting for me to give it to her. And do you two talk, or you used to. I knew you told her, I just knew you did. I was sure of it. So you see, that's the only reason I proposed, that was the only reason. I was going to tell you all of this that night, but you looked just so drained there, your emerald eyes were glazed over, I doubt you relised I was there till I put my head on the counter too. Do you remember? You scrunched up your nose when my hair tickled it. To this day I can't get that picture out of my head. Though my son has grown to be almost of marrying age your scrunched up nose has never vanished.

I can remember, you were taken aback when you saw me there, I was scared you were angry but you were sad. I didn't know then why, why you embraced me there, I was actually quite surprised. You hadn't done that in a long time, I really missed the way your hair draped over my shoulder, how you pressed your nose against my neck, your nose was normally cold, but that night it wasn't. I don't get how I remembered everything about you so vividly, I still do. Do you still bite you nails when you feel embarrassed? You didn't do that that night either. You just cried on my shoulder. It was the first time I ever witnessed you turn down a drink. Especially a free one, but I guess that was just how things played out.

I held you, and rocked you, and tried my best to comfort you. After a while you stopped crying and looked into my eyes. Griffin was just across the counter, I think he was the only one in the bar at the time. When it's just him and me now, he always tells me, in such detail how our eyes matched. Just about every day now I go for a drink before going home, and each time I'm there, without fail he tells me about that moment. I've heard his story a million times I'm sure, and I can play it as a movie through my head. I didn't notice it at all back then, but our eyes are the same green color. Griffin calls them emerald green, and I'm sure that's what your eyes still look like, but I can't see the color in mine. Jeff has caught me staring at myself a handful of times in the mirror trying to find the vibrant green Griffin says was there once.

As his story goes, our eyes met and just for an instant there was a gleam mirrored between the two of us, that we lit up the entire room. But in less than a minute that moment ended and tears split from your eyes again. We stayed like that a substantial amount of time past closing, which is why Vesta couldn't find me. But when she did, as you can remember, there was Hell to pay. She saw us like that, but didn't comment on it till later, after everyone else was asleep. I stood up alarmed that she had come, you nearly fell to the floor. I'm so sorry about that, I wasn't thinking. She just nodded and said I had a son. Her words didn't hit me hard like they should have, it was more like I had finally hit the bottom of the barrel, that I would never be able to drink myself back. She didn't tell me to follow her or anything, she just left. And it was my duty to follow her and so I did.

Except you grabbed my arm after I turned away from you. I spun to meet you face to face one last time. The words you said after that broke me. Out of all the things you could have said, out of all the things I wanted you to say, you asked me to name him after your father. A man I never met, of the woman I didn't marry, he wasn't the grandfather of my son. But in an instant I knew I would. Just by the tilt of your head, and the way your bottom lip quivered in the dim light. Oh the things I could have done that night, the things I wish I'd done. I left.

Vesta had no say in the name of her nephew, and Celia loved the idea of naming her son after her best friend's dad. After the news got around the town, there was no way to change his name. Everything was set in stone, he has been a never ending reminder of the biggest mistake of my life. Celia was dead certain I didn't do what Vesta said I did. But I wished she would have. It's so hard to look her in the face and tell her I love her. It's so hard knowing that I could have changed everything, just by letting the wind catch that feather.

I never spoke with you after that night, I don't know what you told Celia when you said goodbye. Vest grew sick a few months later and so the majority of the work has been up to me. Jeff started helping out a while ago but that just leaves me more time to mope. He favors his mother much more than his father. I'm glad about that. He doesn't need to be like me. I just hope he'll follow his heart, I know he doesn't want me to know but I think he's dating a young girl Kate. She's nice and proper and she makes him smile.

I'm probably going to burn this letter, just like the others that I'd never given to you. As I reread this I feel so stupid but, I need to do this. Celia doesn't deserve a husband like me, Jeff doesn't need a father who is in love with another woman, though I haven't talked to her for years. I don't even know what you're doing now. Do you have a husband, a family? Are you happy living in that other town? Are you happy with not thinking of me? I don't know what I'll gain by doing this, but I need to.

I can look back on that night and understand why you cried. Or maybe this is just the shattered dreams of a depressed drunkard that wants a new shot at life. Maybe. But if you're reading this letter, it means I've mustered up the courage to walk to Mineral Town and leave it somewhere you will find it. I kind of hope you get to read this.

I love you Karen.

I love you.


End file.
